Her Pain

The past few days I have been in Utah with my three children and while that adventure is another post on it's own I wanted to spotlight one of my favorite people and her strength and the example she sets for me. She is my daughter, Alexis. She is my oldest and I am often too hard on her and she also tends to be hard on her self. She is 9 years old and I feel blessed to be her Mom and this past week I was given a very strong reminder of just how much. Many of you may know by now that Lexi's best friend was killed in a car accident last June, it has been a difficult road for all of us. Lexi speaks of her lots and in many ways I think that I have overlooked just how deep her pain is in this loss. It has been hard for me to know what to say and when to say it so sometimes I may not have done all I could to comfort her. Well on Wednesday on our way up to Salt Lake we made a stop in Parowan to see where Kenzee and her sister Kaytee were laid to rest. I tried to prepare myself and wasn't sure how Lexi or I would feel in that moment. As I got my self out of the car and was then assisting Grace out also I didn't realize that Lexi and walked over to the grave marker and was kneeling down, as I turned around and saw her I had to catch my breath. The sight of her kneeling down to be closer to Kenzee was almost more than I could bare. We stayed a little while until Lexi was ready to go, even though she didn't say anything I think there was a part of her that would have stayed forever. I am not sure why but I took a picture of this moment and as I was going through my pictures from our trip these just hit me like a ton of bricks. I need to cherish my little girl so that not a day will go by that she will doubt my love for her. She and I have been through a lot, but her strength and understanding of the eternal plan often far exceeds my own. I know that many of my blogs are silly and lighthearted, but I also wanted to share some of our sorrows.



To my Lexi, I love you and I wish I was able to take this pain from you but my sweet girl I am not able to. Thank you for showing me to Love my friends as you do, to forgive better, forget more and love deeply. Kenzee is looking down over you and I am sure she misses you as much as you miss her! You know my children have taught me so many things and one is that unlike that popular saying about life being about the moments that take our breath away, life really is about the moments that are everyday. You know the little things that we might miss if we are waiting for our breath to be taken from us. I resolve to be better at not being so concerned with the dishes and laundry and be more in tune to my kids.