4 weeks ago
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Well my sweet James is 8 months old today. What a quick 8 months, time is just flying by. As he and I were relishing in our morning ritual of cuddles, kisses and laughs I began reflecting on how it is that this little boy came to capture our hearts.
For some reason I have always been able to know my children before I have them or in some cases before I am even pregnant with them. I will never forget the first time I knew I was going to have a son, Grace was just a few months old and I had been called as the Secretary in the Primary Presidency in our new ward. One Sunday as I was sitting at the back of the room listening to the children sing, I looked up from my rolls just as the picture of a father and son walking down the street holding hands and the little boy was wearing a superman cape (a picture I had seen many times before) was held up as an aide for the words in the song. My eyes teared and chills went up my spine and down my arms, I knew in that instant that I had a little boy waiting. Now I think some of my tears came from the fact that I had just had a baby 4 months before and in no way was I prepared to work on another so soon. I put it to the back of my mind but over the next 18 months or so I had several times where I was reminded of this little boy waiting to come to our family.
Just before Grace was going to turn 2 we decided that we would try for the next, well I could never have guessed that things would go the way they did. After 9 plus months of trying we were so excited to discover I was pregnant but within just days of the positive test and about 7 weeks along the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. It was hard and I was sad and confused but within a short time I was expecting again and then another miscarriage. This was an extreme low point for me because I didn't know if I would get my boy, my little boy that I had been thinking about for so long. After tests and tears and waiting some more we finally became pregnant shortly after Grace's 3rd birthday and our little boy found my arms in January of this year.
During my pregnancy with James I had many feelings of what he would be like, I only mentioned the feelings to my husband and a few close friends that wouldn't think I was totally nuts. I would often describe him as being like "Charlie" from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or "James" from James and the Giant Peach.
Quiet, sweet and gentle, then I saw the movie August Rush and it was like my son was there in front of me on the screen. I couldn't explain how I felt what I felt but I wouldn't deny it either, his spirit felt so close to me and I was so excited to have him here with me.
James was born at 4:21 AM and he was perfectly healthy at first and then when he was just hours old he started having episodes of not breathing. After several times he was admitted to the NICU, it was heartbreaking, I finally had my son and now he was hooked up to wires and hoses. He spent the next few days there and after tests and observation they allowed us to take him home. It turned out that he had just ingested so much gunk during delivery that his little body just couldn't handle it.
He is healthy and strong now and such a blessing in my life, he truly is the sweet, gentle spirit that I felt all that time. I love my little boy!
Interesting side note* The same boy played Charlie and August.
Posted by Marylin at 4:56 PM